Confluence; Volume Nine

One journal entry paired with one image, each of my own creation.

Medication after medication after medication, a long line of trial and error, benefitting only the money-devouring pharmaceutical companies, my therapist, and my local Walgreens at the corner of health and happiness. Compared to 14 months ago, only the median to qualify as “better health” has shifted. I’m still not back to where I was before these life-altering changes and day-defining symptoms, and I’m attempting to remain positive. I continually ask myself, “When will this end?” And it is an answer I don’t have. Frankly, I don’t have an answer to any question— “Why is this happening? What will fix me? How do I move forward feeling this way? Who will help me?” Having no answers and unable to repair the ongoing issues, I’m forced to ask many other questions I’d prefer not to ask. Here I am, frantically reaching for a lifeline, searching for any escape from the dark water dragging me down. Even though I’m still swimming, still managing to keep my head above the surface, the safety of land feels no closer— just an endless struggle.

A photograph from a test session for a new series

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