It's important to understand that our mothers are human before they are mothers. They carry their own histories, traumas, and limitations. The inability to nurture or to be fully present may stem from wounds they themselves never healed. This does not lessen the impact of abandonment, but it does open a pathway for compassion and, ultimately, forgiveness.
Forgiving our mothers is one of the hardest tasks because it feels like betraying the child within us who yearned for love and security. But true forgiveness is not about excusing their actions; it's about liberating ourselves from the pain that holds us. We must recognize that, often, the inability to mother well comes not from malice, but from an incapacity to 'nocturn'—to be awake and attuned to our needs during our darkest moments.
Ultimately, this is not about erasing your pain but about seeing it with new eyes—eyes that recognize the complexity of human existence. Your mother, like all of ours, carried her own unspoken burdens, and sometimes, she might not have known how to love in the way you deserved. But it is through this understanding, through this compassion, that we can begin to heal.
I want to emphasize that this is a theoretical basis, one that I am also trying to apply in my own life. I am coping with issues surrounding my mother, too. It’s not easy, and some days are more difficult than others. Lastly, I truly hope that your health issues will be resolved soon, and I wish for a creative and fulfilling period ahead. Keep going—you’re not alone in this.
I appreciate your note Christina and truly understand what you're saying because you are correct. However I'd be remiss to mention that everything you have suggested has been done, and tried, multiple times. Sometimes, in life, not everything works out the way that one would want and there are people in this world that go through life hurt and angered and unwilling to change on their own. They allow their own struggles to poison their daily lives, and relationships. Forgiveness, unfortunately, isn't a one way street.
Beautiful
It's important to understand that our mothers are human before they are mothers. They carry their own histories, traumas, and limitations. The inability to nurture or to be fully present may stem from wounds they themselves never healed. This does not lessen the impact of abandonment, but it does open a pathway for compassion and, ultimately, forgiveness.
Forgiving our mothers is one of the hardest tasks because it feels like betraying the child within us who yearned for love and security. But true forgiveness is not about excusing their actions; it's about liberating ourselves from the pain that holds us. We must recognize that, often, the inability to mother well comes not from malice, but from an incapacity to 'nocturn'—to be awake and attuned to our needs during our darkest moments.
Ultimately, this is not about erasing your pain but about seeing it with new eyes—eyes that recognize the complexity of human existence. Your mother, like all of ours, carried her own unspoken burdens, and sometimes, she might not have known how to love in the way you deserved. But it is through this understanding, through this compassion, that we can begin to heal.
I want to emphasize that this is a theoretical basis, one that I am also trying to apply in my own life. I am coping with issues surrounding my mother, too. It’s not easy, and some days are more difficult than others. Lastly, I truly hope that your health issues will be resolved soon, and I wish for a creative and fulfilling period ahead. Keep going—you’re not alone in this.
I appreciate your note Christina and truly understand what you're saying because you are correct. However I'd be remiss to mention that everything you have suggested has been done, and tried, multiple times. Sometimes, in life, not everything works out the way that one would want and there are people in this world that go through life hurt and angered and unwilling to change on their own. They allow their own struggles to poison their daily lives, and relationships. Forgiveness, unfortunately, isn't a one way street.